Music for this reading: 4Fun - Love or Leave
Shelby Rices "The Bleeps and Blips of Life" is about the character Anna. Her father is in a coma in the hospital room, dying. She's always by his side. Then, her sister shows up, and the reader begins to learn about Anna's relationship to her family, her stubborn streak, and her broken relationship with her mother and sister.
I love the descriptions in this piece. The second paragraph of the first page was absolutely amazing because that's exactly what it's like, even though you barely realize it. I also really like the fullness of the characters Karen and Anna. I felt that I could understand them both and could try to take either side. At the same time, I felt that you completely villainized the mother, giving her no redeemable traits. I understand that from the narrator's perspective there aren't, but that doesn't mean you can't hide something redeeming in there for the reader to pick up.
I also really liked your use of dialogue. The line where Karen stumbled out that it might be a good idea to take their father off life support was perfect!
I also feel like I would have liked to see some actual interaction with the mother, just in a memory or something. Everything we get about the mother was told to us by one of the daughters, and we never really get to see the favoritism or the general badness for ourselves. It also seems that the only real reason that Anna dislikes Karen is that she was liked by the mom. Is that supposed to be the only reason? None of the other justifications given by Anna seem anything more than normal siblings.
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