Music for this reading: Marija Šestić - Rijeka bez imena
Christina Kettering's "Password Protected" does two things in its narrative. First, it tells the story of the narrator and her brother Thomas, expounding on their relationship through the use of social networking and how they presented themselves on such social networks. Second, it also tells of a general criticism of the use of social networks and what people put on these social networks.
The things that really work include the content of the social network. I could see all of it being on a Facebook wall, and at the same time, reading these various different types of updates weren't boring because they were unique enough. The only one I wondered about was the event for a suicide. I'm pretty sure that Facebook would take that down, but at the same time, that doesn't mean she didn't find it before it was removed. These updates were also great ways to transition to the back story and tell more about the relationship between the two.
That being said, I feel that the transitions back weren't very smooth. Since you had tense issues throughout the piece, the transitions weren't always totally apparently until a couple lines into the paragraph. One way to help alleviate this is to change the tense of the story. I'm thinking that using the present tense for the present day sections and the perfect tense for the memories might help to ease transitions a bit. There might still need to be a little more tweaking you have to do.
My biggest criticism though is that I don't feel like I know enough about the narrator alone. I definitely know here relationship to her brother, but all I really know of her alone is that she's private and isn't really trusting. Maybe a few more revealing characteristics?
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