"Beyond the Line" - Shelby Rice

Shelby Rice's "Beyond the Line" tells the story of Isaac Adler, a major in the U.S. military. He is given orders by the colonel to use gathered intellect to fire upon three enemy camps in the region. The first two are easy decisions because of their general isolation and lack of complications. However, the third camp is near a small settlement with a school, and Major Adler decides against bombing it. This gets him removed from his post, and he can go back to his wife.

I loved the opening of this piece. It set up the entire situation well, but after the opening, Sophie disappears from the piece except in small excerpts where he looks at her picture. I would have loved it if you had put some back story throughout some of his long periods of waiting (maybe he thinks about Sophie). I also think it could have helped flesh out their relationship and his reluctance to fire on children over other civilians. Maybe she's pregnant or having trouble having a child, and this murder of children would hit home for him.

I also loved the use of slang and acronyms. They weren't overbearing or confusing, and they made it seem like you really knew how military encampments looked. I really trusted your information. The conversation completely in code was one of my favorite parts of the whole piece.

That being said, after the first few pages, the rate of tension increase slowed dramatically. Instead of the quick raises that happened on page one and three, we have long periods of waiting where the only tension is that we haven't heard back from on guy or that he can't make it to his target location. This would be a great place to cut sections from and add back story, such as the aforementioned suggestion with Sophie or a time when he had to choose to have civilian casualties.

Finally, I was a little confused about the school. The intelligence mentions that there are maybe five homes, a mosque/church, and a school. Where do all the kids that go to that school come from? Is it a boarding school, making almost all the casualties children? Is the town larger than intelligence can see? Do they disperse throughout the region, going to multiple villages and towns, and if that is the case, why doesn't he fire after school is let out and the children dispersed? There would be far-fewer casualties then.